It is possible that Sir will be around next weekend.
It is possible that He will never come back at all.

This kind of not knowing is difficult for me to take. This alter-ego works so well for the emotions I don't want to have or deal with in my real life. This alter-ego allows me to love Him in this razor-sharp absolute way that my real heart would never survive.

There is clarity in this.
There is control.

But I have abandonment issues... in general and related specifically to Him. If He returns it will be interesting to see how those issues resolve; whether I fight Him or submit immediately. (Or submit to that voice and act out in other ways).
Whether we have to start all over or find that there has been growth in this vacuum.

There have already been some consequences for me that I didn't expect - the strength of this need for Him and the depth of my reliance on the structure to keep me whole. It's a learning process, and adjustments are necessary and appropriate... but there are mistakes I can't make more than once.