The Answers to Why

Because I can hear the trains from my bedroom window and I do not feel alone.
Because when you are here I do.
Because I still don't know what you wanted.
Because it wasn't me.
Because you slept in the middle of the bed and I held on to the edge and tried not to move.
Because you never asked if I wanted you to stay that night.
Because if I had said yes you would have gone away.
Because when you touched me it felt like nothing.
Because I was faking it about half the time.
Because even if you knew it wouldn't have made any difference.
Because you were faking it too.
Because I let your criticism make me feel worthless.
Because you ignored me and I let that make me feel worthless.
Because you did not love me and I let that make me feel worthless too.
Because you did cheat on me and you know it and I know it and she knows it.
Because everyone else knows it too.
Because I no longer believe in the story of us.
Because I am worth more than what you have to offer.
Because you never offer.
Because you are the worst kind of liar - you believe that you are telling the truth when you're not.
Because you didn't know that you treated me badly until I said it and you don't realize I'm not the only one.
Because when I needed you I believed that you would come.
Because I couldn't call anyone else.
Because you didn't come.
Because the fever tore through me like fire and the rains didn't come for days.
Because I can't love you anymore.
Because it is your fault.
Because I gave you the benefit of every doubt.
Because I was wrong.