Wanting

I have been challenging Him and deliberately disobeying Him - touching myself when He has told me not to, saying "no" and feeling the blue flash of his response. Lightning too far away to hear the thunder. Safe in the knowledge that there isn't time or privacy for Him to do anything about it. Knowing also that his memory is long and clear.

The anticipation is lovely.

I want Him to come to me in the night. I want to wake with the sudden weight of Him, to be touched by him so soft that I am almost lulled back to sleep. In that quiet, sweet voice I want him to tell me how bad I have been, how much I have displeased him.
And then I want Him to punish me for it. For all of it.
Softly at first, almost a caress. Then I want Him to show me that He means it.

I want the weight and depth of this punishment.
I want him to sweat with the force of it.
I want to be breathless and wordless.
I want to feel the sting of it for days.
I want to take him in my mouth and soothe this anger still.
I want to open myself to him and let him heal me.